July 1, 2001 + Sunday + 6:26 pm

Soul-searching sunday// My favorite song today [heh, I shoulda put it on my favorite things box--->] is me and mrs. jones by the dramatics. Reminds me of 102.9, the quiet storm!

Happy July 1st. I can officially say [and I've told many people this so sorry if I'm being redundant] that my birthday is next month. Finally. I feel like I'm always stuck waiting because I wasn't a spring baby. But hey, nothing wrong with late summer babies---I'm patient.

I got my new glasses today! Yeeha! I like getting new glasses. I feel a little bit renewed, that and a little bit blinder every year because my eyesight slightly worsened a microscopic bit, according to my eye exam results 2 weeks ago.

If Mister JesseERROR MSG hasn't already mentioned it, and he probably will, well, we hung out again [like the 2nd time] last night. We went to Yancy's because I owed him a drinky since I flaked out on a Korean movie that I agreed to go see with him back in April. Ann came along because she was accidentally locked out her house so I rescued her. The drinks were on me :)

Can't wait for sex and the city tonight! I want to see more of Aidan!

July 2, 2001 + Monday + 4:56 pm

words to live by. madonna certainly knows what's up//Don't go for second best, baby put your love to the test. You know, you know you've got to make him express how he feels and maybe then you'll know your love is real.........And when you're gone he might regret it. Think about the love he once had. Try to carry on, but he just won't get it, he'll be back on his knees to express himself.

hidden story, now foundERROR MSG from the month of may.

The tension that ensued between us all day long on Thursday...I surprise-visited him again at his place. He was sleeping when I got there. He gave me a comforting hug because of what happened to me the night before and proceeded to sit down next to me watching TV. No kiss, no hand holding. It didn't feel weird, but I was very much aware that there was some distance between us. I thought maybe he felt awkward to make the first move all the time, but I didn't dare do it. It seemed like he wanted this distance too. I kept it because I don't want to make the first move in our current situation. It remained like this the whole day. There were times where our hands had touched but he didn't bother to hold it. One time we crossed the street and he held me by my wrist instead of my hand to avoid hand holding and so I knew for sure he wasn't going to and that he was trying to keep things "platonic" from now on, I suppose. Just friends. No more dating. End of that, period. It wasn't until after 5pm, after a very late lunch, we were walking and our hands very briefly held each other's for a split second and he let go and said, "I kind of want to hold your hand but I shouldn't do that." I told him, "Yeah, me too...I can't help it." He said we shouldn't since it wouldn't be a good idea [after what we've been through discussing that he doesn't want a girlfriend and just only wants to remain friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Discouraging, yes.]. Anyway, upon having said that, we just walked side by side down Post street, often times I would trail behind him a mere few inches, sometimes intentionally to see if he'd wait for me and do something. I felt reasonably happy to learn that he's been wanting to hold my hand too. I mean, I was totally dying to. I don't think I've ever felt such need to hold his simple hand so badly. I guess I was used to walking around in public with him hand in hand all the time. Even if it's so ordinary to see people out on the the street holding hands, I liked knowing that people were able to see that, and to see us look so happy. It feels good to hold his hand in public, er when HE holds my hand in public...he's usually the one to reach for my hand anyway. At any rate, I was hoping and wishing I could come into contact with his hand. It would make me feel a whole lot better.

We were headed towards Kintetsu Mall and just out of nowhere he just went for it--he took my hand and just held it. It felt so good and I began smiling. It was kinda like an "oh fuck it, I can't help it anymore, I don't care, I'll just hold her hand!" feeling. It was so nice. After that, I guess it "broke the ice" and we were once "back to normal", back to the affectionate way of things, we were flirty once again. I'm telling you, the tension was so obvious and it was killing me [maybe him, even], but I felt so relieved...and nothing's changed since then.

July 4, 2001 + Wednesday + 1:44 pm

I rarely eat chocolate but...Am I doing what I think I'm doing? I'm using chocolate [namely, Toblerone milk chocolate because I couldn't find the white chocolate kind] as a substitute for...making the most out of this summer and doing something productive. Hah. No more "arm food" for me, please!!!!

Shit, that's like 3 triangle-chunk pieces in 15 minutes! Damn Toblerone for being addictive. I feel like my mom--the chocolate addict. <groan>

ERROR MSGOnce again, let me reiterate: i have a deficiency in self control.

did you know that I used to be a tennis jock in high school?//Oh yeah, it's Wimbledon time and I was right the first time I took notice of him 4 years ago, that lanky englishman, Tim Henman is still a hottie. <3 <3 <3

[hmm...what is it with people named tim and hotties? :) Ok, mister jesse, i'll shut up now! I just had to say that]

12:37 am A year ago// I spent 4th of July with S and K [I had just met K that day and S 3 days earlier]. I remember we had lunch at a Vietamese place nearby my house, I learned pool for the first time at G.E., tried to watch fireworks at this crowded restaurant in Sausalito but since it was packed, we went back into the city and watched the fireworks over cocktails at Cityscape bar at the Hilton. It was a fun, fun day. Now that day is here again. I have no idea what lies ahead as far as plans go. Look at how fast July is going. 75 speed, I'm telling you. My birthday will be here soon and such perfect timing, I'm almost nearly out of my L'eau D'issey and that's what I want for my birthday :)

Right now I'm listening to 3 different versions from 3 different artists of "Me and Mrs. Jones". It's a good song! My favorite song at the moment [as mentioned on July 1]. Currently, I'm going through this "quiet storm, 70s soul, 102.9esque" songs phase. I spent the day making compilations of those types of songs and it's pretty good. Smooth and relaxing, like milk tea at twelve in the morning.

april memory lane//. It's Kelly and I, left, picture [I'm on the right] back on April 26. We were at Stonestown [the oh-so-banal-mall by SFSU] like bored, pathetic losers and we decided to check out one of the many computer-derived-information-directory stations that they have placed inside the entire mall. What are those called again? We found out that there was a photo-postcard function and so we sent out dumb, cheesy greetings to ourselves and our friends that said "greetings from stonestown galleria" [haha]. So that picture is from one of the postcards we made. Notice how we tweaked the picture to make it look faded [newp, as if those stations had photo editing software]--if we figured out a way how to do that, then obviously you could tell that we were that bored and w/out a life in sight. =)

Also it turned out that by hanging out long enough at one of those stations, it inspired other mall-goers to do the same thing and soon we saw different clumps of people and couples taking picture postcards too. Heh. We're infectious. Be very careful...

Oh yeah, one more thing. I always get queasy going to that shopping center. Local shopping malls add to my anti social-ness.

July 5, 2001 + Mokuyoobi + 6:36 pm

rockaway beach in Pacifica--where firecrackers are legal//As Will-the-pantyman was pointing his finger at people who risk losing burning their houses and losing arms and such playing with firecrackers on 4th of July on his current entry, I'd like to say that I risked everything too last night!! And I'm such a firecracker virgin too. I've never lit one of those suckers before. I only recall holding those sparkler thingys that resemble incense sticks, back when I was a little girl, when firecrackers were legal in most areas. By the way, I was totally aware of what I was being up against---the heat contained in those firecrackers [sparklers and the rest] reach degrees high enough to melt gold. So yeah, I knew that I could lose an arm by night's end and the rings on my fingers and the bracelet on my wrist would transform into silvery liquid metal puddles on the ground. I was with Ann, and we shared a giant box of the Chinese dangerous goods between us and when were ready to leave, we actually ran into KellyERROR MSG and her group of pals doing the same things so we stuck around longer.

a firecracker virgin no more!

P.S. If you're ever around Clement street [let's say by 6th Ave], do not order "baked porkchops with spaghetti" at D&A Cafe. They're so yick!!! Just stick to eating it similar places like ABC [Noriega or in Chinatown], Tien Tien [on Irving], or S&E Cafe [19th/Taraval], where it tastes better. Ann and I learned the hard way. :(

so what if I mostly talk about food? :)

July 7, 2001 + Saturday + 2:30 am

Hm, I was supposed to be getting ready to sleep but I started having urges to update!

Home on a Friday night and what can be more exciting that the default-going online because there isn't anything more excting? Home on Friday night gives me the added push to indulge in bad-guilty-pleasures such as instant ramen noodles. So, as I was upstairs satisfying my craving for said noodles prepared the "kristin way" completely loaded [w/ no broth--i cook the noodles for like a minute or so, because i like it semi-raw--,] with sesame seed oil and generous sprinkling of shichimi togarashi, I received an IM from the infamous Miss Kristine and we had a brief conversation for the first time. Now, I've been a fan of her site for a while but that the first time we've interacted outside of the occasional signing of each other's guestbooks and the once in a blue moon emails. Clearly, this shows how antisocial I am. I don't know if you guys noticed, but I removed my ICQ and my AIM contact info out of my entire site! I'm not trying to discourage, it's just that I'm antisocial :) I chat with the very few of you that know my AIM/ICQ/MSN instant messenger and I most certainly do email [although I take years to reply. Nothing personal, it's just that I'm so pathetically lazy]. I guess you can email me if you want to know my AIM sn.

Earlier in the day, I revisited a common "pastime" that used to be in my weekly routine: I hung out with Kelly at our once-2nd home, Zephyr's coffee shop. S and K joined us. Haven't seen them in a while. Things were the same. Drinking hot tea because it was gray outside. Stayed there for hours as we used to do it back then. Didn't have any plans so I joined Kel and her friends to a movie that evening...

digital risk factors//Oh and a note to the one and only pantyman himself: oh heavens what I'd do if I lost my fingers!?! No more journal updating?! No more doing this, this and THATERROR MSG?!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Life would be over as I know it. I'm thankful I still have my fingers post-firecraker fun :)